How’s your stress management? I’m a natural redhead with a tendency to fire-off, but I can also dissipate the stress pretty quickly, accepting the inevitable, seeing the funny side of the situation or my behavior, or taking action to make a change.

Of course there are some stressful situations life throws at us from time to time, requiring external professional support. I’m not talking about these. I’m talking about stress that seems unbearable at the time, but in reality just needs living through, like missing flights, parcels not arriving, ‘losing’ something you’re sure you left in a safe place, forgetting to do something or just ‘flapping’ over a deadline. These situations can distress and worry people I know. But come on, we can overcome this!

The rolling eyeballs of my husband or daughter are often enough to shame me out of my stress. Equally I do remind myself to consider what will happen if I do or don’t do something. Accept you’re not perfect. Accept you might have to hang out in an airport for several hours. Enjoy the stress of the work deadline, knowing once completed, the task will have given you satisfaction and you can relax. Don’t worry if the food for your carefully planned dinner party isn’t as wonderful as you’d hoped. Do your dinner guests even care?

We go through our lives beating ourselves up. Yet often other people are looking at us with admiration. Youth brings with it both a lack of confidence and a youthful uncaring assurance, but as we age we often feel less confident in many ways. We’re lucky! We have experience to fall back on. So I say, mind your posture. Stand up and look proud. Tell yourself in one hour/one day/tomorrow, it will be better. Smile. Breathe deeply and remind yourself (in most cases) whatever is stressing you is merely an inconvenience.

 

 

Footnote: I am on a train, currently stationary in the middle of nowhere, with a train on-fire in front. I will miss my connection and my 5 hour journey may well be at least 7. Am I stressed? I was, but I’ve had a word with myself and I’m going to get myself a stiff drink.

 

 

 

 

 

stress /  humour / lifestyle / family /  posture  /  breathe   / middle age  / ageless / ageing  / confidence  / experience  /life

 

 

My jewellery tells stories and holds many memories of places I’ve visited, people who’ve come and gone, events I’ve attended and gifts I’ve been given. I’m not talking about jewels of monetary value particularly, though of course there are a few, such as my mother’s and my own engagement rings and a diamond on a pretty white gold chain, my husband bought me in memory of his mother. …..No, I’m thinking more about a turquoise necklace bought from a beach-seller in Mauritius over thirty years ago, but still worn today, and an amber necklace haggled over in the souk in Marrakech, (both bought when I was in those countries working.)

There’s a yellow bangle given to me to play with by a great-aunt when I was 7. A tiny bird-like woman, she had a photo of herself wearing it around the top of her arm. I’m not sure I could get it up my arm even then! And I have strings of long beads in every colour and ropes of (fake) pearls all formerly owned by various family members and still brought out to wear from time to time. In fact, unless something is broken beyond repair, I rarely throw anything away as colours and shapes come back into fashion and I often bring them out again.

It’s my habit to buy a piece of jewellery wherever I go in the world; a bracelet from a mysterious artist in Carmel, California, a silver ring from beautiful Monevassia in Greece, a dainty gold bracelet with a sea-urchin shape and seed pearls from a recent trip to Italy, silver earrings with coloured stones from a Native American shop in Old Sacramento, I could go on. All these pieces are treasured for the memories of the experiences they trigger.

                        

In a slightly OCD way I have a lot of my jewellery ‘colour coded’. 3 straw boxes sit on a wooden trunk in my bedroom, one contains beads and stones in reds, oranges and browns, another has blues and another greys and black. On my dressing table are glass jars, one with glittery bracelets and necklaces, another, chunky silver things. A few, more ‘special’ or delicate pieces, are in there own boxes and drawstring bags, including a much loved , Vivienne Westwood pendant and a diamanté collar from Zara, infamous to me as the Duchess of Cambridge was photographed wearing the same thing. (I couldn’t understand why she would choose to wear fake when she had access to the real thing!) Nevertheless she made a good choice as that collar has been worn over the last few years, to several ‘posh events’ not just by me, but several of my friends too.

In our throwaway world, jewellery can be a lovely way to make our history and I implore you to keep yours and help them make your own stories. A few months ago I visited the incredible Archeological Museum on Lipari, in the Aeolian Islands, off Sicily. The islands are volcanic and the preservation of artifacts found there is amazing. Amongst the many displays of pots and vases were some beautiful displays of jewellery, each piece over 3,000 years old. I’m not sure any of my “jewels” will still be around in 3,000 years time, but I like to think they can be part of my own personal history.

                                

And below is my latest purchase, these lovely earrings just stole my hear!

Heart earrings £12.99  from: www.zara.com/uk/

NECKLACES / BRACELETS / RINGS / EARRINGS / JEWELLRY / FASHION / HANDMADE / ACCESSORIES / PENDANT / BIJOUX / GEMS / BEADS / HISTORY / JEWELRY / STYLE

 

 

 

I can still see the bottle of Hourbigant, Chantilly perfume in its pink and white lace  box sitting on the shelf of the local chemist’s. I was about fifteen and it was the first bottle of perfume I ever owned. I remember feeling both grown-up and decadent, and as soon as I dabbed it on (it wasn’t a spray,) I felt instantly sophisticated.

 

 

At eighteen I moved to London, sadly, too late to join ‘Swinging London’, the pendulum had already swung, but Biba in all its glory was the crown of Kensington High Street and                                  

I began wearing Biba perfume in a beautiful black glass bottle with its iconic gold logo. It was the sort of bottle that should have remained on an art deco dressing table, not carried back and forth in an overnight bag. After it leaked onto my much-loved suede skirt, I decided a change was needed and started using St Laurent Rive Gauche, a modernistic spray can, which, at the time, seemed to fit my inner-bohemian. (It was the 70s). Sadly when I tried it recently, I found my ‘nose’ has definitely evolved!

Since those years I’ve dabbled with many designer fragrance brands as well as more classic fragrances.  I was forever disappointed to find Channel N0 5, just didn’t smell right on me, whilst every Boss perfume I’ve ever worn has resulted in people commenting I smell amazing. And it wasn’t long ago I went out to dinner wearing Narcisco Rodriguez ‘For Her’ and the waiter very apologetically asked the name of the perfume I was wearing, before telling me a story  that the moment he fell in love with his girlfriend, she was wearing the same beautiful fragrance.

And of course, fragrance is very evocative. It helps spark the brain to recall moments and memories of events, people and places and the moods of those captured moments.

Let’s face it though; it’s also about brilliant marketing. Put your hand up if you’ve bought a designer fragrance because you really hankered wearing that designer’s mostly unaffordable clothes? My hand is held high. Oh yes! My love of Armani fragrances definitely began in the 90s with a longing for a Giorgio Armani ‘power suit’. I’ve had most Armani fragrances over the ensuing years and have loved them all. Someone once said whoever they were with, if they happened to be wearing Armani ‘She’ I instantly came to mind.

                    

 

Hanging around an airport duty-free is of course, the most tempting and enticing way to buy perfume and it was Heathrow Terminal 5 I blame for an ongoing passion with Bulgari. I doubt I’ll ever own a piece of Bulgari jewellery, but ‘Au thé Blanc’ has long been a favourite for ‘day wear’ and my current evening favourite is Bulgari’s ‘Goldea’.

But,  if I’m honest, I’m not very faithful to a particular fragrance and I’m rather envious of people who say they’ve worn the same perfume for years.

Which brings me to Calvin Klein. Who didn’t love the concept of CK1 – a fragrance designed to work for women and men? Love the fragrance, but not the sharing bit. (I’m an only child.) But oh, it’s the names of Calvin Klein’s fragrances that get me: ‘Contradiction’, ‘Eternity’, ‘Obsessed’…. Wear these and you’ll feel like the heroine of a classic ‘film noir’…..

And now: ‘Woman’. What perfect timing! It’s the first fragrance, created by Raf Simons, since he took over the design ‘helm’ at Calvin Klein. It’s very ‘now’ with its blurb saying it ‘draws inspiration from the Spirit of Empowered Women, a celebration of women, by women’. The advertising campaign uses Lupita Nyong’o and Saoirse Ronan, as well as depicting Sissy Spacek, Eartha Kitt and Katherine Hepburn. “It’s a play of contrasts, as varied as the personas of modern women”. The main ingredients are orange flower petals, eucalyptus acorns and Alaskan cedarwood. It shouts modernity and creativity and guess who just ordered a bottle?

– Because, behind this woman is a desire to move forwards, not accepting the inevitable progress of ageing, but championing the fact that ‘age is just a number’ and being ‘the best I can be’ is about making change. My fragrances move forward with each era of my life and today I’m embracing the energy of life and the power I have and can give.

#IAMWOMAN

Buy it from: http://www.fragrancedirect.co.uk   30ml  £33.95

 

Luxury Perfumes / finest online cosmetic and fragrance / Beauty products /perfume cosmetics / Perfume shop / Bulgari perfume / Calvin Klein perfume / Giorgio Armani perfume /  Boss perfume / I am woman /

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I left home at eighteen I could just about open a packet, add water and make some kind of reconstituted goo. Then I started going out with a guy whose previous girlfriend had been a ‘Cordon Bleu’ cook, so I thought I’d better learn sharpish or he might finish with me! I bought myself ‘The Hamlyn All Colour Cookery Book’, worked my way through it, and at the end I was pretty capable. (We went out together for almost 3 years by the way, and food had nothing to do with the end of the relationship.) Then I started going out with an Italian and soon began hanging out with the crazy Neapolitans every Sunday. Pop, the ‘papa’, was a great cook and I learnt lots of traditional recipes from him. Then when I started going to Italy I couldn’t speak Italian, so I’d hang out in the kitchen and watch. Soon I was cooking like a native and speaking the language and my love and passion of all things Italian has continued over the years…. But that relationship ended too, though I’m still close to the wonderful family and have shared many meals with them over the ensuing years. In my heart I’m always part Italian and ‘il cibo italiano’ (Italian food,) is still my default. Whether it’s rustling up food for 20, or something quick when I’m short of time, it’s the rich and healthy food of southern Italy I turn to.

“Healthy eating” however, is what everyone goes for these days and I’m certainly on this wavelength. Especially when I’m on my own for a few days, I’ll happily become a temporary vegan and a lot of my meals are vegetarian. But I do love fresh fish and living on the coast, where you can buy fish caught overnight, it is hard not to resist. The source of my food is important to me and again living in Cornwall in the southwest of England, allows me to eat from locally sourced vegetables, fish, poultry and meat and we grow vegetables too, though we should do this a lot more as it’s so satisfying.

Behind The Woman is about being the best you can as you age, and food is part of the message I want to share. In my head, eating well and making your food look beautiful and colourful falls in the same category as looking after your skin, wearing stylish clothes and being happy internally. Even when I’m eating alone, and just having a salad, I’m very likely to go and grab some edible flowers from the garden, and take time creating a visual and tasty plate of food. I’ve shared my passion for food with my daughter, who from an early age has been experimental with her own cooking. So I’ll be sharing some of our ideas and recipes as my Blog grows and I hope you’ll be inspired to fight the desire to open a packet or buy a ready-made meal and create beautiful food, because it’s often as quick to make something from start to finish.

                       

 

shoes for women / style / lifestyle /middleage

*Shoe Shine Style

“HOW many pairs do you have?” ……Including flip-flops, trainers, Converses, Vans, Supergas, wellies, boots just to wear on skiing holidays, rubber shoes just for the beach. Eek! I really wouldn’t like to hazard a guess…….

The great thing about shoes is that they always fit. If you’ve got yourself all miserable because you’ve put on a few pounds and don’t want to buy any new clothes until you lose the weight, you can still buy a pair of new shoes to cheer yourself up! Yep! Been there, done that! Break up? New shoes rule! My daughter once had a cat that got run-over by the road sweeper – at SIX o’clock in the morning. We were devastated, but later that day, I found myself looking into a shoe shop and 2 pairs of new shoes later, I felt a lot better. (Please, don’t judge me, I’m not always that shallow!)

There is a catch here however. As we get older, even a lot of women with style seem to morph into the wearing of “comfy” shoes. These often look like adult versions of a kid’s school sandal, (though maybe in pastel Nubuck,) or worse, black, flat, square things that make your feet look cartoonish and seem to produce a waddle. I’ve had conversations with women who say, “Oh but I can’t wear heels anymore, they hurt my feet.” Well I’ve got news for you, they hurt younger women’s feet too! There’s a reason why you’ll often find a basket of white flip-flops at the side of the dance floor when you go to a wedding, and why even young girls at parties end up dancing bare-foot. High heels always hurt! They can successfully be worn when you go to dinner and need only walk from car to table. Obviously this dramatically helps your entrance. But, if it’s a long-winded affair then, be warned, they might hurt by the time you leave. Only sometimes, let’s face it, a bit of pain is worth it, heels look fabulous and give you a swagger. So please, don’t give them up altogether.

On a fashion note, the shape of heels change. Sometimes they’re straight, sometimes conical or curved. Wear the wrong shape and you’re out of fashion. You might be lucky, but the chances are, those classic black courts you bought ten years ago, will have the wrong shaped heel. And on that note, suede is usually more giving and forgiving and therefore more comfortable than leather. But if you have the kind of feet likely to swell in the heat of the moment, then you’ll probably find sling backs are more comfy and never buy tight shoes! But try boots…you can get fabulous, high-heeled boots that look good with the sexiest of evening dresses.

Still it’s not just about heels. There are boring flats that look as if they’ve been designed for people with the flattest feet ever, and there are stylish, fashionable flats that will tip your image from screaming: “I’m getting old!” to “I’m sassy and this is my style”. Chelsea boots, bright coloured or print loafers, silver brogues…..these will elevate your style without causing pain. And a pair of white “tennis shoes” can do wonders to elevate the style of many an outfit. Of course, there are some middle-aged women who defy this desire for comfy flats and stick to what they’ve always worn. A few weeks ago I walked up the volcano on the Italian island of Vulcano. It took nearly 2 hours and it was really hot and as I sat on a rock for a bit of a breather, a French lady of ‘a certain age’ breezed by, in high wedge sandals, a pink floaty dress and wide-brimmed straw hat, looking totally out of place, but also totally fabulous. I’m not advocating this look for mountain walking….but some people will never change.

In the end, it’s about the ‘total look’. Looking great, whatever your age, is a ‘top to toe’ effect. So move out of the aisles of boring shoes, starting looking for inspiration and make sure you’re striding into the next season with #SSS aka: Shoe Shine Style.

 

makeup / ageless / beauty

 

I have a friend who’s a great organizer and is always on the lookout for the next bargain, ‘girls away trip’ to somewhere warm and sunny. We six friends live in the Southwest and are all time-poor, so the challenge is to find destinations we can reach from our local airport in Newquay, Cornwall. It’s all about a few days of bonding, laughing sunbathing and generally relaxing with a glass of wine.

For some reason, security in Newquay Airport is tighter than any other airport I’ve flown from and part of our experience is that my friend likes to challenge us to ‘carry-on only’ bags. We’re all totally into our hair and makeup products, (not to mention shoes and clothes,) so getting what you want to take into a small bag is never easy. Once, the fastening of the airport plastic bag wouldn’t stay closed and I was forced to get rid of some of the contents. Without thinking I threw away my suntan lotion, only to find it cost three times as much in Spain! If you’re thinking we could stock up in “duty free”, forget it! This one doesn’t sell anything useful, unless you want to take Cornish biscuits with you. Planned packing is the way.

Imagine then, how excited I was to discover TRINNY LONDON. This is a makeup brand created by Trinny Woodall and comprises stackable pots of cream makeup. On the TRINNY LONDON website, you go to the MATCH2ME section and fill in your skin, eye and hair colouring to find the right shades for you, then choose the products you want from a recommended selection.

        

Trinny advises applying the creams with your fingertips and mainly that’s what I do, though I sometimes use a brush to define my lips or eyes. I’ve never thought cream products lasted well on your face, but these really do give a radiant glow and last well. The EYE2EYE colours can be applied to give a light coverage for the day, or built up for a more intense shade. The LIP2CHEEK colours are dual-function and are my favorites in the range. All these little creamy pots are so easy to use and just the right size to pop into the tiniest handbags for touchups.

The starter kit is £95, which I know is expensive, but gives you a good selection of colours as well as a Starlight highlighter and Face Finish and my little pots are lasting well. It’s also beautifully packaged, so would make a lovely present. Crucially you can get re-fills, which is something of which I totally approve! I’ve also got the BFF cream with SPF 30, a great, tinted day-cream for light coverage, which can be decanted into a small pot for my weekends away.

 

Today I used BFF Cream, followed by Freddie LIP2CHEEK, Emperor EYE2EYE, Starlight on my cheekbones, & Face Finish.

TRINNY LONDON came with me on my summer holiday as well as my recent ‘short break’ and was the perfect holiday companion!

It’s only available online. Shop at: https://trinnylondon.com/products/all

face cream / beauty /middleage /lifestyle /skincare

My friend Gemma turned up for the weekend bearing gifts. Firstly, a bottle of organic Prosecco. It tasted fantastic, without the slightly synthetic aftertaste I find lots of Prosecco seems to have these days,. Few bear little resemblance to the light, pale Italian fizz I remember drinking 20 odd years ago. But, this was like the real stuff, unlikely to cause headaches, night-sweats or palpations, (that is, unless you drink several bottles – I can’t vouch for that.)

….But I digress. She also gave me some LaCura Caviar Night Cream, which she swears is the best night cream she’s ever used and the packaging was certainly lovely. Then I realized both gifts were from Aldi, the low-cost supermarket that wins all the awards.

The LaCura Caviar Night Cream costs just £6.99. That’s right! I said £6.99. “Have a look at Graziadaily.co.uk” Gemma said, “They rave about the LaCura range!” ………. As do Woman&Home, Mumsnet, The Independent and the Daily Mail it turns out.

It’s been described as comparable, (or nearly,) to the La Prairie Caviar Collection, the Swiss super-expensive skincare range often promoted in magazines, but at £292 for 50ml, out of most people’s league.

The Aldi LaCura Caviar Night Cream contains ingredients that certainly seem to promise the youthfulness we all dream of: Hyaluronic Acid, which improves hydration and stimulates the production of collagen, maintaining the elasticity of the skin, (so important as we age,) and Snow Algae, clinically proven to extend the life of cells and replace damaged cells, (equally important as we age.) Add to these, actual Caviar Extracts, which deliver nutritive benefits to reduce signs of ageing and active ingredients to detoxify and you’ve got a combination of ingredients as good as anything I’ve seen in other night creams on the market.

Some beauty writers compared the effects of La Prairie and LaCura after testing over a 4 week period and La Prairie did come out slightly better, but then for the sake of those people who have forked out £292 I’d rather hope it would! However, it has to be said, the praise for LaCura is very high. It’s too early for me to make a massive judgment, as I’ve only used it for 2 days, but I will let you know in 4 weeks….What I can say is that it really does feel nourishing. So far so good!

BTW If you’re wondering about my headband, it’s an old trick of mine….cut off one leg of a pair of tights (I mean, when was I ever going to wear that green colour anyway,) then cut off the toe and tie in a knot!

For info on the Aldi’s LaCura skincare range, go to: https://www.aldi.co.uk/specialbuys

 

How it happened I still don’t really know, but one minute I was stationary, looking back over my shoulder and the next I was falling down a bank. The snow was fresh and soft and I was off-piste. Every skier knows, hurting yourself off-piste can be a very expensive mistake, so as I landed, and heard the top of my left arm crack, I knew whatever I’d done, I’d have to drag myself back up that slope. Somehow I managed it and fortunately we weren’t far from an actual piste.

Two painful hours (of slow skiing) later I arrived back at our hotel, had lunch, (yes really) and then caught the bus (again, really,) down the mountain to the doctor’s surgery – all the time telling myself I hadn’t broken anything. Half an hour later I knew I had. I then waited impatiently in a bar whilst the pharmacy continued its 2 hour lunch break, and where I was to buy a ridiculously expensive sling, though not, as I thought, to get prescribed painkillers. – Oh no! I was given 4 paracetamol to last me 2 days. As I stared mournfully at the coffee in front of me I thought “Nah! I need a proper drink!”

…..For the rest of that week, I was thoroughly miserable. I’d skied for 30 years without ever hurting myself, and neither the expensive facials I booked for myself, nor the luxury lunches, hotel cocktails and ‘jollying up’ of my family, were ever going to improve my mood.

Back in England the doctor in the orthopedic department of the local hospital almost gleefully told me I’d never again be able to hold my arm above my head, giving me more feelings of doom and gloom. Then my inner competitiveness kicked in. I decided I wouldn’t miss another ski season and I absolutely would regain total movement in my arm.

I religiously did the strengthening exercises I was given. I got myself a personal trainer and went to Pilates every week. I spent many hours with my arm above my head pressed into a wall or lay on my back practising arm extensions. Then my personal trainer introduced me to boxing. How I wished I’d discovered boxing years before. Not only did I quickly regain strength and movement in my left arm, but I loved the excitement it gave me, the sweat it caused and the improvement to muscle tone. I imagined myself to be as good as Nicola Adams.
Why am I telling you this story?

Because punching above your weight is what you should be doing all the time. We’re living in a fast-changing world and hopefully, younger generations will more easily attain positions of power and influence, but even in our personal lives, we’ve still got a long way to go to have inner confidence and equality. I’m no ‘shrinking violet’ and can be pretty feisty, but I’ve still been walked over. Managing to recover from that injury showed me a part of myself of which I wasn’t aware. I could focus, set a goal and achieve it. I certainly don’t do this all the time, but now I know I can –and that’s important.

So come on, raise a fist and get punching!

No matter how tired (or, uh! drunk,) I might be, I always take off my makeup and brush my teeth before going to bed. There have been mornings when I’ve woken up without any memory of this action and have been surprised to see myself ‘fresh’ faced. (And once or twice, it has to be said, have been equally amazed I’d actually neatly hung my clothes up……In my youthful past of course, not now!)

My lashes are naturally pale and even though I dye them black from time to time, I really don’t like myself without mascara, and usually that means 2 or 3 coats of the stuff. Over the years I’ve tried a multitude of different brands of eye makeup remover, from designer luxury versions to the big brands and cheap and cheerful. I used baby oil for quite a long time, but I feel that tends to drag the skin a bit and I don’t think it does my ageing eyes much good. As well as that, it tends to put an oily film over your eyes and more than once I’ve woken up to a blur thinking my eyesight had rapidly deteriorated over night!

This all brings me to my favourite ever eye makeup remover and you’ll be pleased to know it comes in the cheap and cheerful category! It’s good old Nivea and it’s called Double Effect Eye Makeup Remover. You just give it a good shake to mix the makeup removing solution with the cleansing solution – which promises extra effectiveness, and then wipe gently over your eyelids and lashes and ‘voila!’. It removes several layers of mascara easily and gently, even the waterproof type. Importantly I feel it’s gentle on my lashes keeping them looking good.

It’s normally about £3.59 for 125ml wherever I buy it, but I’ve just seen Superdrug are selling it for just £1.49. So I’m going to stock up!

https://www.superdrug.com/Nivea/NIVEA-Eye-Make-Up-Remover-Double-Effect%2C-125ml/p/477150